About Me

Name: maan

Location: Philippines

i'm a total coffee addict. a hypomanic who runs and flips wild in the wards. has to constantly check on my schedule not because i forget things, but because i just obsessive-compulsively do so. i love singing and dancing so much, i just love having fun. and don't mess around with animals when i'm around, unless you want to be scalpeled down to your bones (just kiddin').

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I am a love fool. A sentimental fool. I get teary-eyed by just watching a very romantic movie. I get swept off my feet after hearing a dreamy romantic line. My knees get weak at a single tender gesture. Holding the hand of the one I love calms my soul. Leaning on his steady shoulder erases all my worries. I sigh and sing my heart out as I listen to a mushy love song. I keep the love text messages in my cellphone. All of them. I keep a love mail in a safe place. I am definitely a love fool. And I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t pretend that I don’t get affected by a sappy movie line. You see, I am not so difficult to fall in love. I am in love with love.

Poetry is my favorite form of expressing emotions. But I seldom do poetry especially now that I’m in med school. There’s so much emotions, so much passion, to write about, but there’s so little time to express it in a poem. Maybe because I’m not really a natural poet. I’m not that articulate and skillful with all that rhyming unlike others who can write a poem (or even declare it) at a single heartbeat. I wish I have that talent because I sometimes feel that the emotions bottled up inside me are so tremendous to bear. I feel like bursting any moment. If only I could rest my busy mind for a while so I could find the right words to express how I really feel. It would be very nice to offer him something that truly reflects the song in my heart.

I don’t know about other people, but for me, romance should never fade. Valentines should never be corny just because all the couples all over the world are celebrating it at the same time. Flowers are not just mere colorful extensions of a shrub. Getting over-sentimental and sweet should never be out of fashion. Saying “I love you” should not end there. It must go beyond words. It’s not being self-seeking or materialistic, it’s not the only means of expressing how you truly feel. Isn’t it wonderful to know that someone’s thinking of you in a special way? That someone’s also going love fool over you?

I am just a simple girl. A love fool who seeks to be treated like a lady. I don’t ask much.

Despite all the adversities that have come my way this past month, there’s this one important thing that reminded me of how lucky I am. That is, I have the best dad in the world. He definitely is. He’s not the type of dad who would shower me with gifts whenever I did something outstanding. Nor would he raise my allowance if I aced a Pharmacology exam (which I never did anyway). He’s simply so understanding of my thoughts and feelings. Something that I value the most about him. He would always check on me during my review nights, asking if I’m still alright, reminding me that I can do it, that he’d be still proud of me no matter what the outcome of the exam will be. He always come home late, tired from work, but he would still have the energy and the time to listen to my nonstop whimpering about school, about this TV show I’ve just watched, or a certain article I just read. He has been generous in sharing his insights about life. He has always been an inspiration. My inspiration. What would I do without him? What’s life without him? What am I without him?

He is not like that all his life. He went through all the highs and lows of life. He’s been everywhere. Did almost everything. He said, he was never proud of the person he was before. And it took him a very long time to realize all his mistakes, all the time he wasted, all the chances just he threw off. All the people he loved and lost. Maybe it’s just pure luck that I came into his life at the right time. When he decided to straighten things up. I am just so lucky.

It’s hard not to sound so mushy and squishy whenever I talk about my dad. It makes me teary-eyed in an instant. I guess he doesn’t have a slightest idea about it. I am a daddy’s girl but I don’t normally show to him how much he means to me. I wouldn’t jump with glee when I see him home from work. I would just give him a peck on the cheek and say hi. I just check on his blood pressure and ask casually how he’s feeling. I’m just so scared to show him how concern I am about him. It gives me this weird feeling that it would be the last. Whenever he tells me that something hurts on his chest and asks me to check on it, I’d make excuses because I don’t want to give him a physical exam. I’m so scared that I’ll discover something dreadful. I just don’t wanna know firsthand. I can handle other people, just not my own dad. Let his physician do the work. I just wanna sit here and wait…and pray.

I know I have to learn to deal with this. I just need to. I love my dad so much. He has to know about it.

By the way, I have not yet introduced you to these bunch of brilliant people I worked with for the past year in med school. We've been through a series of challenges. Triumph is yet to be achieved (after some lightyears...). Ladies and gentlemen, the "X-Men":