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Illusions are dreams that come to surface when we least expect
An illusionist, is someone who weaves those dreams for others

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: Name: maan; Location: Philippines

i'm a total coffee addict. a hypomanic who runs and flips wild in the wards. has to constantly check on my schedule not because i forget things, but because i just obsessive-compulsively do so. i love singing and dancing so much, i just love having fun. and don't mess around with animals when i'm around, unless you want to be scalpeled down to your bones (just kiddin').

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An angel in the midst of sadness

Dare to be sweet...

humming in my head...

Insanity Breaks

We're expecting a baby girl!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Ngarag

We just had our exams last week and I should be feeling at least a bit relieved or relaxed, but I don’t. The results of Medicine and Surgery exams were released today and it’s really dispiriting. I was 3 points short of passing Medicine and I was near the borderline of failing in Surgery. I know that I should feel lucky to have almost passed Medicine considering that I allotted only 5 hours of study for that. But still. The fact still remains that I failed a shifting exam. I could only imagine the result of my Pathology exam…

I feel like I’m starting to feel numb to all these stress. I should be panicking by now because I have a lot of stuff to do. I realized that we still haven’t organized everything for the upcoming Mr. and Ms. Medicine. We have to coordinate with all the class presidents, hire a director, organize the program, the candidates, the invitations for the judges, guests, parents, etc. etc. etc. Plus, we have a Pathology research and I still haven’t oxidized our cholesterol and extracted the oregano because the “great” La Salle did not allow us to use their equipments (even if we pay). There’s also this Pharmacology research that we haven’t even started yet. To complicate my life more, Dr. Munarriz has been pushing me to join this PGH quiz bee. I refused her several times because I know that I wouldn’t have the time to prepare for that and I feel that there are some people who are more capable of competing with other schools than me. Imagine, I, who have failed a gastrointestinal exam in Medicine would compete with the braniacs of PGH and other med schools? Dr. Munarriz must have been hyperglycemic again to oblige me to join.

...I need a detoxifier...

posted @ 11:19 AM

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Grabe, it was the longest week ever. I just had my third shifting exams and I felt like totally wasted. It was like a hit-and-sleep-thing: hit the books then have a 30-minute sleep then hit the books then have a 30-minute sleep again. It was my worse exam in medicine and pathology. I felt like an idiot while answering my medicine exam. I knew that I read it in Harrison’s but I can’t remember it. Every word was familiar, but I just couldn’t place it. My pathology exam was on the last day and it burned the few remaining living neurons in my head. I was really tired, as in dead tired. Just imagine spending my last two weeks draining myself for exams. I feel kinda lucky I’m still alive. That’s why I have to give you an update of some events in my life for the past 2 weeks (yes, there were some events aside from having exams).

ooOOoo

Goodbye

I was sleeping out of exhaustion when Iyah called me. At first I couldn’t recognize her voice. She sounded different.

“Maan, si Jeff kasi.”

“O, si Jeff, kamusta na?”

“He was shot. He’s dead.”

“Di nga?” (I chuckled)

“Di ako magjojoke ng ganito.”

I froze. She was right. Then I cried. I was swiftly brought into consciousness. This couldn’t be. Iyah told me that Jeff was shot by his girlfriend’s ex-husband last January 1. He passed away the next morning. I haven’t seen my high school friends for a long time and I’m not updated about their lives so I was shocked. I told her that I was gonna go to the funeral that night but I broke my promise. There was a Medicine report and a Surgery long exam the next day so I decided to delay it. I had a series of exams that week that’s why I kept on delaying it. But I was so restless thinking about him. I couldn’t believe that something as violent as that could happen to any of my friends.

Jeff was a transferee during our junior year in high school. At first he had no circle of friends. I guess it was hard for him because at that time, he was different from us. But it took only months before we got to know Jeff better. He had certain idiosyncrasies that made him the subject of ridicule of the bully of the class. But Jeff was a quiet person. He’s not the type who would get into useless fights. Jeff and I were never close in high school. But we got along pretty well. All of us in Maxwell have this unique bond that kept us close together all these years. I would only get to see and chat with Jeff in our reunions and gimmicks after the graduation. But I’ve been out of touch from them for the past 2 years. I never knew that our next encounter would be like this. A day before his internment, I went to his funeral. I was grateful that Robert was with me. Happy pictures of him were posted outside together with some messages from his family and friends. I felt so weak that I couldn’t go inside. Even after days of thinking about what happened to him, I still couldn’t believe it. When we got inside, we just sat there and waited for some time. I talked to his brother and learned more of what really happened to him. It was really a tragedy. His face was really edematous I almost couldn’t recognize him. I prayed for his soul. I prayed for justice. Goodbye Jeff. You will always be remembered.

ooOOoo

My Visit to the Dean's Office

All my high school life, I’ve never been to the principal’s office. Even when I was in college, I was never asked to go to the Dean’s office. Medical school offers a lot of new stuff to learn and explore, as well as a lot of new experiences. Thanks to Dr. all-around-subject-teacher, I’ve finally experienced being grilled (if that’s what she wanna call it) in the Dean’s office. This incident might have raised concern from my parents but I assured them that it’s not the kind that they should be anxious about. My case: going out of the classroom to have an early lunch. You might consider that cutting classes. Whatever. I was hungry, I was going hypoglycemic, blame it to my endocrine cells. Besides, me and my groupmates decided to have our early lunch because Dr. all-around-subject-teacher (also our research adviser) told us that she’s gonna meet us at lunchtime. Imagine, lunchtime. Plus, we have a quiz in the afternoon so we really need to use our time smartly. So there. When we tried to go back to our classroom, it was locked. I guess the Paramecium forgot to take her Clomipramine again because she was obsessive-compulsively locking the doors everytime someone goes out of the room. Imagine a person of her distinguished school position bothering to lock the doors each and single time. Wow, she must have a lot of spare time and a long-standing boredom to do that.

The encounter in the Dean’s office was something I didn’t imagine it would be. I was trying so hard to stop myself from chuckling. She was saying things like “You didn’t even think of our feelings,” “That time was set for learning not for eating,” “You preferred eating over learning FCM?” Believe me, maintaining a sad remorseful look while listening to her monologue was the hardest thing I did for the longest time. It’s just so astounding that aside from her claim that she can teach all the medicine subjects (from biochemistry to radiology to surgical pathology) she is also a good psychic! She seemed to read my mind, especially about you-preferred-eating-over-FCM part. A tremendous talent! What a gift! (applause, applause)

Anyway, I know I must be more careful now. I have this feeling that the Triad are watching my every single move. Imagine being watched by an obsessive-compulsive and manic-depressive freaks.

ooOOoo

Joanna has a baby boy!

Life is a cycle. When someone goes out of the scene, someone quickly comes in. Joanna, one of my high school best friends, gave birth to a baby boy yesterday morning, January 14. Actually we were planning to give her a baby shower today but she had her delivery earlier than expected. I’m so excited to see her and her baby. Congratulations Joanna!

ooOOoo

Food Trip in Chinatown

Yesterday, right after our Pathology exam, Nina, Janna, Jo, Dex, and I headed to Chinatown for a food trip. We were starving and we want to eat something out of the ordinary fast food. So we went to this place called Manosa and ordered right away. The place was simple, far from your fancy Chinese restaurant. But the food was great! I ate 4 plates of rice and chowed on siomai, sweet and sour, and taosi fish. Grabe, we really enjoyed eating not only because of the good food but because finally, the shifting exams were over. We were talking and laughing nonstop while eating (imagine that). Jo updated us on the recent events in Lovers in Paris and all the other chinovelas and I guess the customers from other tables were also listening to her. We’re so bloated and tired of eating after that. We couldn’t move (hahaha). After that, we went to see this store of original Chinese (Taiwanese or Korean) vcds and dvds. All the original telenovelas shown in tv are there, untranslated. We had such a palate-satisfying experience that we’re planning to have more of these food trips in the future.

Here's one of our pics, the other pics were not yet uploaded (got this from Jannah's blog):

from left to right: Nina, Dex, Me, Jo and Jannah

posted @ 2:24 PM

Monday, January 03, 2005
Lessons

Yey! It’s another year, a fresh new start. I was actually thinking of making a list of my New Year’s resolution, but then I realized that I’m not really good at keeping them. So I decided to list down all the things I learned for the past year. Some I learned the hard way, some due to simple stupidity, and some, well, from the mistakes I keep on repeating each year.

Spend quality time with people you really care about. You'll never know when you're gonna lose them.
It is possible to move on and live a new life if you’ve really decided on it.
Some people who gave me really bad first impressions actually have the potential of becoming my true friends.
Some people who I thought would be my friends actually have the potential of becoming true pain in the neck.
Having a quality ink refill from Ink For Less is actually based on chance. Sometimes I’m lucky, sometimes I’m not.
I have an exceptional talent of multitasking. Reading surgery and chatting with Robert on the phone while watching CSI is just a piece of cake.
There are people who ask implausible demands and don’t bend on other people’s requests. I just learned to ignore them.
Some feelings never change.
Men will be men. Hormones are hormones.
Being penniless sometimes sucks bigtime. Imagine being trapped in the pamantasan.
It is possible to fail even if you studied hard. Amazingly, it’s also possible to pass even if you didn’t study at all!
I can be a very jealous person.
Think a hundred times before getting any hair treatments.
I have this unbelievable capacity to love someone more than I thought I could.
Getting a Sun subscription is one of my best decisions.

I just hope that this year would be better. Better grades, more exciting things to experience, fulfilling relationships, and more ways to earn/save money (haha!). Happy new year!!!

posted @ 10:02 AM

My Favorite Things

Coffee!