An illusionist, is someone who weaves those dreams for others
Illusions are dreams that come to surface when we least expect
An illusionist, is someone who weaves those dreams for others
An illusionist, is someone who weaves those dreams for others
[x] my journal
[x] the illusionist's profile
[x] my favorite things
[x] nostalgia
[x] my porcelain doll collection
[x] my miniature collection
[x] leave a message
[x] links
[x] previous items
[x] archives
__________________
Credits
Design by Photokicho.
Brushes by Annika Von Holdt.
About Me
- Name: maan
- Location: Philippines
i'm a total coffee addict. a hypomanic who runs and flips wild in the wards. has to constantly check on my schedule not because i forget things, but because i just obsessive-compulsively do so. i love singing and dancing so much, i just love having fun. and don't mess around with animals when i'm around, unless you want to be scalpeled down to your bones (just kiddin').
- doc Karlito
- doc NRQ
- doc Margie
- doc Jannah
- doc Nina
- atty Dyanis
- Kyx Babzy
- Buboy
- Mike Velarde
- Raf
- Ayma
- Odezza
- UP Biochemistry Batch 2002
Sunday, May 14, 2006
posted @ 2:03 PM
When life unfolds its mysteries upon you, it does so painfully and slowly. It pours so copiously that I just find myself drowning helplessly. Why it all happen at the same thing remains a mystery. And that's life. Full of questions. Why my father had to be inflicted with cancer is one big primary question that has been bugging me these past few days. How do I deal with it? Where will I get my strength from when the only person in the world who has been my steadfast shoulder of might is now slowly suffering?
My dad has always been the driving force of my life. He's my father, my mentor, my friend, my fan. The sole model of what a father should be. My inspiration. My reason for everything. For the past months he had been complaining of vague epigastric pain. I've always thought that it’s just a simple case of constipation or maybe dyspepsia. If you've always looked up to a person as your steel of strength, that person becomes like an invincible human who cannot be inflicted with any disease. It just couldn't be possible. Or I just chose not to think it's possible. And so I just told him several times to go see a doctor. That's kinda weird, to think that I'll become a doctor soon. Perpetual case of denial I guess.
But the pain grew in intensity which prompted my dad to seek consult some days ago. He had an abdominal CT scan. He has metastatic lesions in the liver, a soft mass in the head of pancreas, cholelithiasis, kidney stones, segmental calcifications of the aorta, and some calcification of the prostate gland. Of these findings, my attention was drawn into the metastatic lesions of his liver. Metastasis. I felt a cold shiver in my spine. For tumor cells to metastasize, the primary tumor cells must have been present for quite some time already. Or we could have been dealing with an aggressive cancer. I brought the CT scan films to our chief resident of radiology. His reading had been consistent with the initial reading. I have to act fast. Short of biopsy, the primary cancer could have been from the pancreas. And I know that it is a highly aggressive disease with very poor prognosis.
I felt like the world was crushing upon me. I have dealt with several patients already, and I have helped them get through their difficult situations. Somehow, I know that I have imparted compassion and enlightenment. But now that my own father is sick, I feel that I could not give anything. I could not say any comforting words. I could not move a single bone. I felt paralyzed. I just want to lock myself in my room, go to sleep, and hope that everything will be okay again when I wake up in the morning. It's true, reality bites. And it sucks.
My dad has always been the driving force of my life. He's my father, my mentor, my friend, my fan. The sole model of what a father should be. My inspiration. My reason for everything. For the past months he had been complaining of vague epigastric pain. I've always thought that it’s just a simple case of constipation or maybe dyspepsia. If you've always looked up to a person as your steel of strength, that person becomes like an invincible human who cannot be inflicted with any disease. It just couldn't be possible. Or I just chose not to think it's possible. And so I just told him several times to go see a doctor. That's kinda weird, to think that I'll become a doctor soon. Perpetual case of denial I guess.
But the pain grew in intensity which prompted my dad to seek consult some days ago. He had an abdominal CT scan. He has metastatic lesions in the liver, a soft mass in the head of pancreas, cholelithiasis, kidney stones, segmental calcifications of the aorta, and some calcification of the prostate gland. Of these findings, my attention was drawn into the metastatic lesions of his liver. Metastasis. I felt a cold shiver in my spine. For tumor cells to metastasize, the primary tumor cells must have been present for quite some time already. Or we could have been dealing with an aggressive cancer. I brought the CT scan films to our chief resident of radiology. His reading had been consistent with the initial reading. I have to act fast. Short of biopsy, the primary cancer could have been from the pancreas. And I know that it is a highly aggressive disease with very poor prognosis.
I felt like the world was crushing upon me. I have dealt with several patients already, and I have helped them get through their difficult situations. Somehow, I know that I have imparted compassion and enlightenment. But now that my own father is sick, I feel that I could not give anything. I could not say any comforting words. I could not move a single bone. I felt paralyzed. I just want to lock myself in my room, go to sleep, and hope that everything will be okay again when I wake up in the morning. It's true, reality bites. And it sucks.
posted @ 2:03 PM
My Favorite Things
Coffee!
Yummy chocolates...
Bags!
Classic Movies
My vanity table
Books books and more books!
Music...
Collectible Miniatures
My fave doll of all times...
Pennylane Alexandria Ianne
Charms and Beads
Letters and Memorabilia
My reliable organizer
My comfy study pillow and mini table
Embroidery stuff
Travelling Down the Memory Lane...
Little Maan
Highschool Blues
UP Pips
PLM College of Medicine
My Porcelain Doll Collection
