my purple quilt

Illusions are dreams that come to surface when we least expect
An illusionist, is someone who weaves those dreams for others

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: Name: maan; Location: Philippines

i'm a total coffee addict. a hypomanic who runs and flips wild in the wards. has to constantly check on my schedule not because i forget things, but because i just obsessive-compulsively do so. i love singing and dancing so much, i just love having fun. and don't mess around with animals when i'm around, unless you want to be scalpeled down to your bones (just kiddin').

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When the beat keeps coming back

Monday, March 17, 2008
The Sweet Facade

The very first time I overheard someone said that I have this sweet facade that is so deceiving, I was kinda offended by it. I mean, I never faked my "sweetness." It was never a facade. And just because I look "mabait" doesn't mean I can't be bitchy at times. This so-called sweet image had brought me good, but more often than not, bad things. Let me cite some examples.

1. Just last week, I was standing in front of PGH waiting for a bus ride when suddenly someone bumped into me and yelled, "Tatanga-tanga ka kasi!" Outraged by this, I replied "Ano sinabi mo? Bumalik ka dito!" And the woman yelled again, "Ang laki-laki ng bag mo! P*****-ina mo!" Apalled and infuriated, I just thought, "What the hell is wrong with you? I was just standing here." Of course I did not shout back at her or exchange nasty words, everybody was staring at me at the time, I didn't want to attract more attention. And besides, I don't want to stoop down to her level. I told Topher, TJ and Jun about it the next day, and they just said, "Mukha ka kasing mabait. Para kang pwedeng itulak-tulak lang sa daan."

2. I was doing my monitoring at the PACU one day, when I noticed that this co-intern that should be sharing with the monitoring duty was not monitoring at all. I couldn't tell her off to do her part. I mean, we're all adults here, right? But to my dismay, she just sat there the whole time, pretending to be busy. And then she approached me and said that she couldn't stay longer, she gotta go somewhere else. And she just left. When I told my blockmates about this, they just said, "Mukha ka kasing mabait, mukha kang di magrereklamo." Hmp.

3. I always hide from a certain resident who is known to have a "mautos" reputation. I learned different tactics to escape from her unreasonable orders. Besides, I am not rotating under her service. The reason: whenever she enters the callroom, she quickly searches the crowd for me or Ciela, because she assumes we'll take her orders like her obedient and submissive servants. And Topher pointed out again, "it's your sweet facade..."

4. During my IM rotation, I have this diabetic and renal patient who I took care of his daily needs and treated him well with lots of kindness. To my surprise, one morning, he was feeling depressed or something, he took out all his frustration and anger at me, yelling unkind and callous words at me, that I failed to take it all in professionally. I cried. I cried in front of my patient and walked out. And Ross pointed out, "Mukha ka kasing mabait. Wala namang makakagawa ng ganyan sa amin. Palaging nangyayari sayo yan."

And so the lesson of the story? I guess, be more assertive. Look assertive. How to look like one, I don't know.

posted @ 6:40 PM

My Favorite Things

Coffee!