About Me

Name: maan

Location: Philippines

i'm a total coffee addict. a hypomanic who runs and flips wild in the wards. has to constantly check on my schedule not because i forget things, but because i just obsessive-compulsively do so. i love singing and dancing so much, i just love having fun. and don't mess around with animals when i'm around, unless you want to be scalpeled down to your bones (just kiddin').

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Nothing's permanent in this world. Everything's ought to change. Life goes on whether you like it or not. You can't simply hold on to people you've learned to love forever. Despite the crazy things I've been doing in med school, there never was a day that went by without feeling nostalgic about some people. It's not being mushy. It's just that there are some people who have left a deep mark in my heart and memory, and they would continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.

I had a bestfriend in gradeschool. We were classmates for just a year and then she left with her family to migrate in US. It took me about 2 years to find out her address and write to her. We exchanged countless letters for eleven years. Everytime she goes back here in the Philippines, we would meet and get updated about each other's lives. It's as if we were never really separated. The last time she went back here was also the last time we spoke to each other. I guess it really was my fault. She went back during my shifting exams (I was a freshman in medschool at that time) and I didn't have time to meet her up. A whole month passed by and I still failed to make time for her. And when she went back to US, that's the end of our friendship. She never spoke to me eversince, never answered my emails and letters. I guess she was too mad at me that she just wanted to forget about me.

I tried holding on to some people but they still decided to move away. Maybe it's due to the fact that you don't always get in return what you give to other people. Loving and caring for them doesn't mean they'll do the same thing for you. It's this simple truth that makes the past so much painful to remember.

However, there are also some people who have also shared a lot of happy and memorable moments, but didn't bother me in anyway when they moved away. As in deadma. I didn't feel any regrets or didn't feel the urge to make it up to them. Maybe because they've hurt me several times already that losing them is actually a relief rather than a tragedy.

I don't know the reason why I am feeling like this right now. I should be reading my Harrison (I need to have a panic attack!) but here I am, feeling wistful and sad. Torturing myself about people who are gone. Wondering if they ever think of me.